I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
