Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
