Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
