More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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