Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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