I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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