Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
