Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
