If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
