The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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