you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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