is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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