When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I looked at my own cervix.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
