i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
