U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
