i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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