Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
