i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
