when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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