This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
