One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
