Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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