ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
