is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
