i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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