Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
