I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
