I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
