I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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