Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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