i just wanna soil my oats bro
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sext me about skeletons
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
