found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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