This gyro tastes like lonliness
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
