my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
