he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how does that bad decision feel?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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