got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
