Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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