He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
