there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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