i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I will die if light touches me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
