dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
