i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
