So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
