This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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