You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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