btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
