Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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