Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
