i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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