Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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