Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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