im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
