Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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