i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
