dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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