can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
