Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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