I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
