You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Im part way to drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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