your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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